missingllama wrote:Okay, so, I was doing some thinking in the shower and I think I've come to some conclusions.
I used to sometimes wonder if I'd regret joining the forums. There were a lot of things and factors that I had to weigh in and being the ADD person that I am, I never really thought about it for long.
But in the shower as I was thinking about this book I'm writing and procrastinating, I thought about how the characters in it have to cope with different changes in their lives, and I planned out a scene where the main character wonders what it would be like to have to face any of these changes alone and the thought terrifies her. And since the main character is kind of based off of me, and one of her best friends is facing the same changes I am, I thought about how I had to cope with it alone and how this would parallel in the book and how it was kind of unfair for me to have to face it alone and this girl would have her friends to help her.
Only, then I realized I wasn't alone. I had you guys.
And as I thought about it more, adding in other things I'd already thought about, I came to think a few things.
1.) Before I found you guys, I was all alone for the most part. In the end of 5th grade and all of 6th grade I had no friends at school, no one to hang out with, no one to talk to, no one to confide in. I had just moved and we were going through a rough time and having to adjust to so many things and it was completely lonely. But I didn't really mind.
Why? Because I suddenly became emotionally detached. To combat the loneliness, and I guess to cope with it, I became bitter and mean and angry at the world, and sad at what I had to leave behind. I was angry because I couldn't make friends because of my dumb voice, I was angry I had to move 687 miles away from my friends and family and the only life I'd ever known, I was angry that my parents wouldn't stop fighting and that they had to drag me down here.
I was bitter. I convinced myself that I was better than everyone in my grade and became cocky, and that I didn't need them as friends after I couldn't make any. I shunned people who tried to be my friend in the 5th grade even, and now I regret that, because as I look back I know now that they really were nice people who were trying to be friendly. I guess some or really most of the fault was my own that I didn't have any friends.
This year in 7th grade we got back reports and papers our 6th grade teachers had written about us. In the report the 6th grade teacher would have to write two adjectives to describe his student: I got "Sardonic" and "Brilliant," in that order.
I looked up "sardonic" and realized that yeah, I was sardonic. If you don't know what that means, it means "bitterly sarcastic." And really, that completely and perfectly described how I was in 6th grade. No explanation needed.
2.) The whole cause of that whole list up there was all because I was lonely.
3.) Then I met you guys.
Okay, so I've learned a lot of things from you guys. You've changed me so much as a person and now I don't know what I would have done without you guys.
You guys have taught me empathy. You've taught me to think about the other person and consider in all the factors and reasons why he would be acting like he is and what he's feeling and made me understand.
Jabber jay, if you ever read this, you specifically taught me not to be mean to others or else you'll regret it. You and Uprising123 and Oohlala44 and lauronlovespeeta and a few other people. I'm really, truly sorry from the bottom of my heart and I regret ever being mean to you guys so much <3 Back then I used to dislike you guys, or sometimes even hated at moments, but now I love you guys. You guys have taught me it's really hard to hate someone, because there's usually so many sides to a person.
You guys took away the loneliness that was preventing me from having friends and you guys have taught me to warm up and become nicer and more kind. You guys have taught me so many life lessons and taught me to think deeper and to become more humble and...
I don't know. You guys, I love you all so much, and I love pretty much every single person on this forum. I will never forget you guys. I will never forget all the memories, moments, friendships, happy days, good days...any of it.
To this day I still don't understand how any of you guys could love me. I'm still selfish, whiny, dumb, slow, mean, condescending, annoying, and some days I'm really foul and in a bad mood and I lash out at you guys. I try not to, but I do. And you guys still stay here and love me anyway.
You guys were the comfort when I was having trouble, and you guys were the people I clung to when I had no one else in life. And now that I'm in the place where I'm happiest I can look back and realize just how much you guys have done for me just by being here and going on this forum. I am so glad that each and every one of you has joined and has stuck here and decided to stay, even if it's not forever. Throughout the past almost year, I can say I've honestly become happier because of you guys.
You guys don't know how much you mean to me.
WHAT THE HECK IS BLASPHEMY?!
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